The end of a year always promotes reflection on what was accomplished in the previous twelve months.
For me, that is always accompanied by a sense of not having done enough. There is no clear definition as to what ‘enough’ would be, only a certainty that whatever ‘enough’ is, I haven’t done it.
I suspect this is a result of my anxiety. I have a tendency to over-commit myself because I worry about… everything. Being lazy, not being productive, not achieving. I am used to not being the best of the people around me, or being middle of the road, forgettable. This seemed worse this year as well, because I had returned to full time work after taking a year to go part time and complete my MA, and suddenly I never had any time, and was behind on everything. Particularly since I am working towards trying to get a job in Publishing, and feel like I have achieved nothing towards this. At the end of December 2017, I was in the same position I was prior to starting my MA, except a bit more skint. Being back where I was in September 2016 made it easy to forget that I had accomplished anything, and all my experience felt very far away.
So I had to sit down, and make myself look at what I had accomplished, make a list, so I could go into 2018 without feeling weighed down by my neuroses.
In 2017, I…
- Completed an MA in Publishing
- At UCL, an internationally renowned University
- With a Distinction
- And won the course prize
- Completed two internships with prominent London publishers
- Got both internships on my own merits, based on my applications and interviews
- Learned how to use proof marks, write reader reports, and navigate Biblio
- Got to check proofs for some amazing books due out next year
- Did both of the above whilst working part time at my role in Leicester, commuting to London from the Midlands
- Actually managed to utilise my twitter account, building a following and learning how to tweet properly
- And then decided to start a blog
- Had interviews for three different roles
- Reached second round in all three
- Made some amazing new friends and met some incredible people
- Who have helped boost my self-confidence massively
- And helped me to be more creative and productive
- Completely decorated two rooms in my house – fully wallpapered, painted, and new carpets installed
So the theme for this year is to finish wallpapering the rest of my house, and to focus on the positive. To keep pushing forwards and work to where I want to be.
I completed the MA because I wanted to find a career I could be happy in. I am 100% certain that Publishing is the place for me, everything which has happened this year has affirmed that.
The longer I am back in my old role and my old life, the more I get anxiety about changing things and moving careers. I need to remember the certainty I feel every time I am in a Publisher’s, every time I work with these amazing people, and these amazing books.
That’s the resolution. New year, new career. Claire in Publishing, 2k18.